February 2006
This month I enjoyed my second week off this year. I traveled to San Diego with my dog Brindi and camped on the beach. Although I enjoy a relaxing life style and plenty of free time, it took me a day and half to clear the chatter in my mind.
I was sitting for hours staring at the ocean. It was 81 degrees and I couldn't resist the opportunity to jump the cold waves. At the surprising absence of the on-going negotiations in my head about what I should do, should have done differently, or what could have been done, I found myself really happy.
It is an amazing feeling when you can find nothing to think about; it's almost unreal. It is funny that people actually pay money to achieve this state of being by going to yoga classes. The other day in yoga class I got into the tree pose. There was a total silence. I was in the moment, noticing the dripping sweat off my forehead, and celebrating a little too soon my mastery of the moment, when I realized, I was going through my to do list for the next day.
The message this whole month was clearly BE SILENT AND LISTEN. The first step in changing any behavior is to first notice your old behavior. I have noticed that I am not really listening most of the time. For those of you who know the stubborn me, you already know that I need to hear something three times before I take it in.
The second time I heard BE SILENT AND LISTEN was on my trip to Chicago on Valentine Day. I had the opportunity to have a wonderful conversation with a friend who is getting ready to depart this life. I asked: "What is the biggest thing you have learned from your life?" The answer: "The biggest way one can express love is by just listening without offering an advice or an opinion. Just BE SILENT AND LISTEN."
I came back to Phoenix to start practicing this powerful lesson only to find that I am too busy telling stories, voicing my opinions, and offering advice ALL THE TIME.
At a dinner conversation about challenges in relationships, a friend said to me: "The most powerful way for a guy to be in a relationship is just TO LISTEN without trying to solve the problem, offer advice or fix the situation". OK, this was my third time and I got it.
Why am I sharing this with you? First, so you can hold me accountable in my new game of being in silence and listening. If you notice that I am not really listening to you while in conversation, you have my permission to call me on it.
Second, I would like to invite you to play the game of being in silence. Listen to yourself and the the people in your life without offering any advice or opinions. I double dog dare you ;-)
Love
Steven
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